Inter-caste Marriages- The great Indian disposition.

Pre-script- I've penned down this post for sharing my views with you, as well as letting out my anger regarding the topic. Your views are most welcome! :)

As I had mentioned in one of my previous posts, that I will be writing a few pieces on 'wedding', and the various happening at my place, the emotional aspect, ideologies of the people regarding this sacred tie, here I'm to tell you about the hot debate going on between the two sets of people, regarding the inter-caste marriages.
So let me start from my home itself!

Caste-system has been a rigid aspect if the Indian society since ever. It has made our tradition unfair and prejudiced.
Our elders have an orthodox mindset and are skeptical about the survival of such weddings due to the cultural differences. And it brings disgrace to one's family, is what they say and believe. There is loss of reputation, and torture at the hands of the society.

On the other hand, we, the people of my generation, that is me and my cousins are totally in the favor of love marriages and inter-caste marriages.
Discrimination on the basis of caste and religion would pose a threat to social equality, peace and brotherhood. It hamper unity among the people of the nation.

The elders in my family are too much concerned about the talks of the people. 'What would people say?' is the big question that dominates their views and is the major reason behind their cynicism. They fail to see the love and dedication of the two people towards each other. I've been a part of many inter-caste weddings of my distant relatives. The atmosphere is weird. Everyone in the two families is wearing a fake smile. From the inside, everyone is sad, depressed, unhappy with this tie. Why do they have to react like this? I mean, it is something you cannot stop from happening. You cannot stop two people from loving each other. You cannot put an end to their desire to live their lives together. Then why not accept it, and be happy and celebrate?

Parents should be happy that their child has chosen a right person for himself/herself. Right person here implies the one who is ready to get committed wholeheartedly, and be loyal to the partner for the life-time.

This is not the story of my family alone, it is the story of the majority of people in the Indian society.
The question in my mind is, 'Why?' Why we are so much against such marriages? What is wrong in loving a person who doesn't belong to your community? Is he an alien from the Mars?
No! He is also a human being who is made of the same bone and flesh. Why can't we think above all this discrimination? Just because we are worried what people would say?

I say...whom would you put first? Your very own kids? Or the society that will come only to dine at the wedding, talk, comment, leave and forget? How far would you go to keep the people happy? We need to bring a change in this pattern. Parents must support their child when it comes to choosing a life-partner. Its the compatibility that counts. The girl/boy should be given a chance to introduce himself/herself to the other family and win respect and love, highlight the qualities, bond with the family members.

If parents support it, be proud of it, celebrate the wedding, be happy, only then you can convince the other people in the society that such marriages are not a taboo. Mouths would be sealed. By cribbing, crying and making sad faces in public will only invite more trouble and bitter words from the people.

I've seen many such incidences where parents emotionally blackmail their child and force them into a marriage with a person of their choice. Now tell me, who will assure that such a marriage works out fine?  Aren't three lives and their future being put on stake?
Why would you want to push your child into the fire of guilt, sorrow, and restlessness?

I've read in newspapers, about the honor killings in such cases. How can parents get their child murdered just because they love someone from the other community? How gruesome is the act!

So think over it...Especially the Indian readers. What is the guarantee that your child would have a great life with the person just because he belongs to your community? Or is it better to let them tie a knot with someone they know, respect, and love?

Marriage is a sacred institution...Lets not malign it with our baseless arguments and inhuman approach.

Now playing- Kuchh to log kahenge....Logon ka kaam hai kehna....
Chhodo bekaar ki baaton me kahin beet na jaye rainaa....


  1. Great post. I've seen people unnecessarily end good relationships because of family pressure and are then miserable with their new partners. And believe me, no matter how perfect your life is, people/society will still find a way to gossip about it. So might as well stay happy and live the life you truly want to, right?


  2. I agree with you completely...I have seen the whole Indian Drama when my first cousin decided to marry the boy of her choice, all the fuss regarding what will the"samaaj" say...those were terrible days, anyways may be future generations will be more open to this concept of inter caste marriage...

  3. You have raised important points here. I think first of all our society needs to grow up and realise that this entire thing of inviting relatives and neighbours in marriage is an utter nonsense. Any marriage is a marriage between two immediate families. Anyone coming from outside the immediate circles is only fond of food and gossip. As you rightly said, kuchh to log kehenge and sadly the middle-class society still gives way too much importance to what people say.

    If it's an intercaste marriage, there should be more valid reasons to not make it a pompous, ostensibly showy social event. Two individuals, born and brought up in different cultural settings yet loving each other and willing to spend their lives with each other, should never be introduced to society in an artificial way (whenever I attend any marriage, I find bride and bridegroom sitting like two glitzily-adorned puppets, smiling for no reason).

    The question is, why do our elders want their children to get married socially then? Is there any pride at stake? The wish to flaunt one's money and influence? These are the questions we need to find answers to.

  4. I'm gonna have an inter-caste marraige and having been in the thick of things I totally get where this is coming from. My mom was explaining things to me that getting into a brahmin family will be really difficult for me and I understand what she was trying to get at and it might be true someday. But there is only one way to find out and I'm sure the love we share will easen the pain when that happens. A lot has changed of late and I'm sure things will change further for the good.

  5. Marriage is a sacred institution and it takes a lot to make it work. I don't understand why people worry about trifle issues. Even if you marry with someone who is approved by your entire extended family, there is no guarantee that it will work. I am a brahmin married in a bhaniya family. Things have changed now but we need acceptability on a greater level.
    Nicely written dear:)

  6. Manju, your best post till date. Straight from the heart?

    Baby, follow your heart, even if it means you may have had to stand against your family. Marriage isn't business! My closest friend is paying the price of not saying no, though she did eventually she couldn't and now is in an abusive marriage and working towards her divorce.

    God bless and much love <3

    ps: I remember discussing this over twitter, I hope things are in control.

  7. This is a very inersting post.I had an inter caste,inter country...everything inter about it.Though Im so glad that I stood my ground and married my husband of 10 years,I paid a huge price for it.My parents disowned me and have managed to alienate me from the myka part of my life.Its been a huge sacrifice and I calm my nerves by looking at the wonderful marriage and sukhi life I've had.It was a difficult initiation into my husband's family but I managed to win everyone's heart.People will gossip this way or that coz I belive many have a lot of free time on their hands to make life hell for others.It takes guts though to voice and act on one's own wishes when noone is supporting you.
    No matter how educated people are,they still tend to get stuck in old traditions when they get older.Marriage by parents choice or your own,has a 50 - 50 % chance of working for you coz in the end ,if the couple cant work it,nothing can.

  8. totally agree with you on the point that inter-caste marriages should not be looked down upon but think it from this perspective, inter-caste was made a taboo because earlier it was found harder for the girl or the boy to adjust in totally different customs of the other family, hence inter-caste marriages were avoided but then as everything gets adulterated with time, this thing too got affected and now the original thought is lost somewhere and the only cruel narrow-minded aspects, shallow things rule marriages and inter-caste marriages are looked as something really bad just by its mention in the society.
    Love can never be bounded by caste or system, if two people have a good understanding that they can adjust to the other customs then why so halla on this!!!
    People should think more than just being prejudiced about certain things!

  9. Wow... Manju Cant believe this is my little sister writing.. Kudos !!!! I am so proud of you

  10. very interesting post manju.. it was same in my marriage.. ours is inter-caste marriage and we two belong to different states.. we struggled a lot to convince our parents.. suddenly we cant change the people of our country.. it takes time but dont know how much ?

  11. Ijajur: I thought that her father being a civil servant, well educated and highly eraned, would have a broad thinking but he is still a kid in my opinion..i am still afraid that this intercaste system is still prevailing in our mind, especiallly the older people. they consider themselves as high living society. they may be rich, educated, well dressed but whn it comes to intercaste they are still the same slave of own mind. i cant imagine what hell would be bestowned on to them if they go with another caste people. it hapened with me. our marriage could not happen at da last moment because we were of differnt caste. though the girl have a does not belive in caste, but i say give education to your family first. start it from your home. so she is now forced to marry a guy from the same city matching the same caste. just that i was bengali and she was assamese. i can say Bengali's are much broad minded than you SIR. and now every moment i live a life in her memory. i am not able to live a normal life of my own. what wrong have a done in being a bengali.

  12. A very warm welcome for this post. Very few dare to come up and speak. I did n got hard slap.

    -from someone, whose life has been spoiled bcz of cruelty against inter-caste.

  13. Importance of Mehndi in Indian Weddings...

    Indian marriages are known for their many rituals. In fact, the beauty of Indian weddings comes forth in the numerous traditions that are associated with the special celebration. Marriages being the most important day in one's life, mehndi has become an ornament for the soon to be brides. Infact one whole ceremony dedicated to its celebration popularly known as "Mehndi Ki Raat".Indian marriages are incomplete without dance, music and lots of laughter.

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  14. Very brave indeed to write openly on this sensitive topic.
    I think, if you go with the social norm(=intra-caste arranged marriage) and something goes wrong, then you can conveniently blame your fate. But if you go against the current(=inter caste) and if things later dont work out, you and only you have to shoulder the blame. Thus, going against the convention is a very big responsibility in this biased society. And as we all know, it is never easy to take such big responsibilities. This may be the reason why people hesitate for inter caste marriage. Other wise many of the parents probably do not have objections for this.

  15. Nice post!! You are write people are always against towards intercast marriage.And its nice to you that at least you rise this topic.
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  16. I am happy manju 4 ur such a beautiful thought I am really pleased on ur topic this should be stop n we should encourage the inter caste marriage. .........

  17. Hey even I am going through a similar situation. I am a jain marwari and the guy I love is non jain and even not a marwari... andmy family is totally against. Its been a year now and they still are not agreeing for our marriage. They fear the social standing in the family and society we belong to and keep on saying i will bring nothing but shame on the entire family and will never be happy because of this. They even cite various examples about love marriages not being successful or ending in messy divorces and such things. I am emotionally torn in between now. Either I have to leave the guy or leave my parents who will disown me. I am so scared. Just not understanding what should I do


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