I miss her...

I feel guilty. I regret till date for my action. I curse myself for saying those words.....But a bullet once fired and the bitter words once spoken cannot be taken back. Both of them pierce your heart until the pain subsides and numbness creeps in.

She was my friend...a long-distance one. She was a good friend despite the age gap of 8 years. We knew each other for 3 months then. She treated me like her little sister, adored me.

We used to chat for hours everyday. She shared her personal stories with me. She spoke her heart to me. She cried. She confined in me. She thought I empathized with her, I understood her. She was assured that yes, she has someone to talk to...while the rest of the world showered their bitter taunts on her. Most of the times, I really did empathize. I cared. But at some point of time, I had doubts.

And one day I disillusioned her. We were video chatting. I spoke, I wanted to clarify my doubt...I questioned her, about a possibility. She was shocked. Her eyes brimmed with tears...she tried not to cry. But what could she do, when her little sister asked her something like that? She didn't ever expect me to be brutal to her like the rest of the world was.

She went numb for a moment...Silence persisted between the two of us. Finally she spoke up. She cursed me for not trusting her...She cursed herself for trusting me. The tears she was fighting back took the better of her. May be she misunderstood my question for an allegation...How could I accuse her for what she didn't do? May be I asked a wrong question. May be I misunderstood her state of mind. She cursed me, herself, the world endlessly..She had lost all hopes of finding a good and a genuine human being on this planet.

She went silent again...recalling the last few moments in disbelief. I could see a rage in her eyes. I could feel her pain. She didn't give me a chance to explain. She hung up saying she doesn't want to see me ever again.

I felt too bad..how could I do this to her? She confined in me thinking I was the right person she could open her heart to..I felt like a fool..I had regrets. I still have regrets..till this moment. It has been three months that I haven't heard from her. I tried contacting her, but to no avail. I wish she somehow reads this post. I want a chance to talk to her...To apologize...May be I will never win back her trust...But I want her back in my life..I miss her...


  1. I will not say that its wrong to feel guilty here :) but I do hope she reads this post of yours and realises that you really do regret what you did...may be she will be angry for a few days and can't blame her but elders have to forgive young ones for their mistake especially when they have realized what they did wrong.What happened cannot be undone but this could also strengthen your bond..I hope it does.

  2. I hate it when a story I read seems totally like my own. Its painful, right? Stiffly painful when people closest to you drift apart in a strange manner in a matter of days, or worse, even moments. I wrote about the "She" in my life too.. Sometimes, you just don't know why things happen, maybe cos they are meant to and you're not meant to change them. Sigh. I liked this post, immensely :)

  3. Manju, you said right in the beginning that words once uttered cannot be taken back! Such incidents are a lesson in life!

  4. we are but human. u met for a reason. if the reason has its way, u ll meet again. u regret ur words, u offered appology in public, i guess u did ur part! may she be back in ur life.

  5. I wish things become alright between you two.
    What else...m running out of words.

  6. So sorry..it happens to all of us..we say things too quickly. give her some time to process it.

  7. I hope she also miss you and comes back. Friends can make mistakes. But if there is love, there must be a possibility of forgiveness. Maybe she need more time to reach that conclusion? You are brave. No one should expect from you that you are perfect. I'ts sometimes hard to be fair to my friends. When is someone strong enough to receive honest criticism? I wish you lots of courage and personal growth.

  8. things happen like that... yet we should forget the past... live with your present and make it happy :)

    Weakest LINK


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