I miss her...

I feel guilty. I regret till date for my action. I curse myself for saying those words.....But a bullet once fired and the bitter words once spoken cannot be taken back. Both of them pierce your heart until the pain subsides and numbness creeps in.

She was my friend...a long-distance one. She was a good friend despite the age gap of 8 years. We knew each other for 3 months then. She treated me like her little sister, adored me.

We used to chat for hours everyday. She shared her personal stories with me. She spoke her heart to me. She cried. She confined in me. She thought I empathized with her, I understood her. She was assured that yes, she has someone to talk to...while the rest of the world showered their bitter taunts on her. Most of the times, I really did empathize. I cared. But at some point of time, I had doubts.

And one day I disillusioned her. We were video chatting. I spoke, I wanted to clarify my doubt...I questioned her, about a possibility. She was shocked. Her eyes brimmed with tears...she tried not to cry. But what could she do, when her little sister asked her something like that? She didn't ever expect me to be brutal to her like the rest of the world was.

She went numb for a moment...Silence persisted between the two of us. Finally she spoke up. She cursed me for not trusting her...She cursed herself for trusting me. The tears she was fighting back took the better of her. May be she misunderstood my question for an allegation...How could I accuse her for what she didn't do? May be I asked a wrong question. May be I misunderstood her state of mind. She cursed me, herself, the world endlessly..She had lost all hopes of finding a good and a genuine human being on this planet.

She went silent again...recalling the last few moments in disbelief. I could see a rage in her eyes. I could feel her pain. She didn't give me a chance to explain. She hung up saying she doesn't want to see me ever again.

I felt too bad..how could I do this to her? She confined in me thinking I was the right person she could open her heart to..I felt like a fool..I had regrets. I still have regrets..till this moment. It has been three months that I haven't heard from her. I tried contacting her, but to no avail. I wish she somehow reads this post. I want a chance to talk to her...To apologize...May be I will never win back her trust...But I want her back in my life..I miss her...